Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Fork Full of Noodles: What's the Future of Hyper-Masculinity?

By: Krish Mohan

Hyper-masculinity could be described as Bros that could’ve used a hug. Men don’t get
hugs. Unless it’s bear hugs. Men can hug when it’s culturally appropriated from an
animal and can kill. Hyper-masculinity is described as a psychological condition for the
exaggerations of male stereotypes. These stereotypes have contributed to issues that
we have seen and now are confronting in society.

The stereotypes in Hyper-masculinity lead to limiting definitions of what a man is. Within
the context of Hyper-masculinity men are the providers, protectors and
procreators. Shane Horsburgh addresses these ideas pretty early in his TED Talk. So
basically that’s jobs, guns and fuckin’! Combine all 3 and your the top dog, alpha male!
So that means that gun-toting male prostitutes are the alpha-iest of alpha males! The
ones that legends of Hyper-masculinity speak of. The ones that movies like Rambo and
Die Hard have tried to emulate.

For that matter it limits the definitions of what women can be. With restrictive definitions
of what is a man, it also ensures what a man isn’t. Men cannot show emotions of love,
grief or fear. Those are reserved for the females. They can hug without killing. But if a
female hugs a man, she’s risking her life because of that restrictive killer hug rule we
discussed earlier.

Things are restrictive even in what men and women wear. Joan of Arc is a prime
example of these restrictive ideologies in full effect. Joan of Arc was a French hero! She
was thought to be a prophetic figure that was supposed to bring France to glory in the
1400s and the Coronation of King Charles.

This makes total sense. French crowns are very decadent and shiny with their jewels
and gold. So the Coronation of a real man can only from a woman’s love of shiny shit,
since that was the common thought of the day. It’s either that or a monkey could also do
it considering they also like shiny shit. But monkeys don’t live in France. Too much
turbulence. Despite the challenge of gender stereotypes of the day, Joan of Arc was
very confident she would lead the French to victory because she had spoken to the Lord
and they said it was cool.

She also cut her hair and dressed like a man in the heat of battle. When she was
executed, she was accused of heresy, witchcraft and dressing like a man among 70

other things! Heresy and witchcraft was because she claimed she could talk to God.
And at that point, the belief was that women’s ears were to weak to hear the voice of
God. A big booming eatherial figure speaking to the dainty soft ears of woman was sure
to destroy her and leave 2 smoldering breasts in the wake!

The fact that dressing like a man was a crime is peculiar! In fact it was declining those
allegations that signed her death warrant. She denounced her divinity, effectively
breaking up with God! God took it pretty hard and hasn’t been seen since! But she
would not denounce the clothing. The English wouldn’t have it, because they wear the
pants in this Authoritarian Imperialist Global Domination! So they burned her…at the
stake. Which I doubt God was happy about.

Now I think Joan of Arc was trying to spare the egos of men. If the English soldiers were
beaten by a warrior in a frilly dress, a corset and a gorgeous pony, they all would’ve
probably gone insane. Women are fragile bringers of life and need to be protected so
when that life makes its way out into the world, men can destroy that life. Usually these
are the men that all about preserving and protecting the sanctity of life…so they can
destroy it. Hence our society’s current obsession with never-ending war. But the egos of
hyper-masculinity are so fragile that in order to preserve their tight stereotypical roles
they had to make sure she was killed.

And a major of part of the issues in hyper-masculine behavior is the size and fragility of
the male ego. The hyper-masculine ego is like a frozen ocean. Its vast, ever expanding
and it’s trapping a lot of shit below the surface. One crack and the whole thing crumbles
and we’re left wet and struggling in the water because no one taught these men how to
swim. Learning shit is also feminine! You can’t kill with a book.

This ego is an inhibitor. The ego is what drives the competition within these
stereotypical gender roles. And the only thing this ego is trying to prove is that it’s worth
something to other men doing the same thing. Scrutiny from other men is a major flaw
of Hyper-masculinity. It only creates a feedback loop and inhibits these men from
forming real relationships. This scrutiny is what makes these men look at women as
conquests instead of people. They don’t want a partner that they become a better
person with, they want that trophy wife. Gilded on a mantle to show of the other men in
their group. A Crown to look pretty and nothing more.

This competitive behavior is what leads to misogyny, homophobia and racism from
these Hyper-masculine men. Dudes are already competing with dudes. Who’s got the
hotter wife, or the biggest car, thereby the smallest dick. Who can bench the most or
who’s got the most money. The winners of these contest get the Alpha male of the
group and get to shoot their guns off during sex. That’s the law of the Hyper-Masculine
Tribe. These are old rituals that need to be followed to appease God, who to them is a
super ripped dude banging broads whether they want it or not.

So when we add women, minorities or the LGBTQ community into mix, that’s more
competition for men who are already competing with each other. Hypermasculinity is
just exhausted from competing with itself. The vastness of their egos will always be
bigger their own dicks.

Losing these competitions means they are not providers, protectors or procreators. It
means they don’t have power and that is the crux of being a man! Power! Now the
manliest of all men, the ones that prophecy of brodom speak of is one a man that
generate enough power from one flex of his muscle to power a whole city.

But power is important for Hypermasculinity to wield over other groups like women,
minorities and the LGBTQ communities. Because of Slavery, Black men were seen as
helpless; Irish & Italians were seen as too emotional and passionate; Jews were too
bookish; Asians were too soft and brittle. Women were of course property, proven by the
poetry of “Bitches be shoppin”.

But in order to deviate from sympathy, because men don’t do that, they had to show
their dominance with hypocritical arguments. Black men were helplessly vandalizing
women; women were carnal and need to be sheltered from this animalistic behavior;
gays were sexually insatiable and there’s only room for loving & fucking God; Asians
were torturers and having a valid drivers license their tool for it; Southern Europeans
were pervs and sexual predators. Only the white Anglo Saxon male was pure in
stoicism, middle class work ethic and blue jeans that will eventually be sung about in a
Bruce Springsteen song.

Stoicism is how this power is wielded. Even though these men are supposed to
aggressive risk-takers they have push the anger down. Hyper-masculinity is so bad that

it’s oppressing anger! All of this is driven by fear. Fear that the ocean of ego will crumble
and all that’s left is a hurricane of repressed emotions, the need for hugs and the entire
Adele collection!

And if that’s the case then nobody will want to procreate with them, they can’t protect or
provide for anyone and not only is that embarrassing it leaves them without a sense of
purpose for what they’re supposed to be. That’s a huge revelation about Hyper-
Masculinity. Embarrassment is the biggest weakness. Most women fear rape, murder
and the inability to lose 5 pounds. Men are afraid that the secrets of liking “Unmasculine
things” will surface. That’s actually what Kyrptonite does to Superman. It reveals his
love for knitting and he has no option but to start killing himself from the inside out.

Hypermasculinity’s restrictive definition of what men are and should be leads to more
anger, silence and violence. These rules inhibit a person from realizing who they truly
are, what they love and the ability to show that love. The idea that men have to adhere
to these roles and they’re incharge, ignores their humanity and their emotions. It puts
them to act as if they are beyond human, perhaps a God. Like the cool Greek ones, with
Abs and lightning bolts, not the pansy Hindu ones that read and talk about education
and love.

And being a God is exhausting. It’s slightly less exhausting than competing with your
own ego. But God is tired. That’s why God is always talking to people to do his bidding.
They don’t want to keep magicing things for us. They want to us to be able to take care
of each other so the Lord can retire in a some far away Fibonacci Sequence.

Hyper-masculinity is perpetuated by hyper-femininity which falls into the same category
of restrictive rules. There are women that want the Hyper-masculine guys. They still
want to be taken care of, be seen as the fragile bringers of life that need to be protected
and these men are going to do that. They are more keen on physical prowess than
intellect, problem solving skills, empathy and emotional balance.

And part of the discussion and the limitations of these restrictive rules is the physical vs.
the Brain. There’s a major pushback to intellect and I plan on talking more about anti-
intellectualism in a future episode. But the value of physical power over the mental is
age old argument. Hyper-masculinity doesn’t care about working smarter, as long as

you work harder there’s still a purpose for you within the confines of its rules and

But it’s hard to get Hyper-masculine dudes to see the negative effects of stoicism,
aggression, competition and devaluing other people to try to add value to yourself
without really knowing yourself. That frozen ocean of ego breaks, that water is a shock
to the system and can lead to just more aggression. They punch the water and that
doesn’t do anything. You have to ease the transition. It’s like going into the pool. It’s foot
at a time and then eventually you can go all way under water and get a new

And this is where the MeToo Movement comes in. This is probably one of the powerful
movements against hyper-masculinity at this point. It has the potential to educate and
change gender stereotypes for the next generation.

But my concern with the movement is the direction it will take. I think we should be
aware of the severity of punishment based on the misuse of masculinity and the power
derived from it. At the moment it seems like we’re drowning everyone and that’s not
really fair. Teach them to swim if you and if they are willing to learn.

Harvey Weinstein was a monster that was created by an overfed ego among other
things. But Louis CK wasn’t. Now that doesn’t mean that I think what Louis was ok, I
don’t. But the guy had a fetish that he didn’t know how to express it. Other men didn’t
have that fetish and neither did they talk about it. He competed with other men and his
ego and lost.

Louis is taking the time for personal growth. So is Al Franken but do these men need to
have their lives destroyed like Weinstein? Do we need to Scorch the Earth with
memories of semi decent dudes that made an error?

The same goes for Aziz. And look I’m not defending Aziz Ansaris actions. Everyone
knows he’s made my Stand Up career harder since that’s all I get compared to. But he
took a lady out on a horrendous date. But he apologized and she could’ve used verbal

cues and then left. Be a badass like Joan Of Arc. You could’ve crowned him King Bad
Date or the true Master of None!

And that story has the trapping of hyper-femininity that could send the MeToo
movement in the wrong direction. The direction of shaming men for bad behavior, which
leads to them retreating internally, getting angry and possibly violent. We can be
educating them to be better about the latent hypermasculine tendencies that even tiny
men like Aziz and pudgy dudes like Louis CK have.

But guys like Aziz and Louis fall into the traps of Hypermasculine conquests without
even realizing it. Go out on a date where you treat the other person with some damn
respect and not a receptacle for your sexual frustrations to high five your buddies over
in a bar. Hotel rooms are for private and anonymus masturbations that are later
revealed on a expose on Channel 4! Hopefully these men come back into light as better
people that respect women and themselves a little more.

Women don’t need to be dainty flowers that are trapped all the time. The MeToo
movement has proved that people are taking cases of sexual misconduct & abuse
seriously. And that shitty behavior based on power and intimidation won’t be tolerated
anymore. This movement is in its infancy. It can help redefine masculinity and help
create a culture of acceptance instead of brutal competition that ends in physical and
emotional wounds.

At moment it seems like it’s burning everyone down, but anger and repression aren’t
taken of this way. So as much as I’m asking the MeToo movement to be empathetic and
understanding to some of these men and forgive them, I’ll do the same for the
movement. We all make mistakes and we all need some forgiveness so we can move
forward and progress as a society for the betterment of ourselves and the planet.

This movement can teach men that they can redeem themselves through honesty,
letting go of their ego and respecting those that are different than them. Maybe if God
would open about how hard their break-up with Joan of Arc really was, hyper-masculine
dudes wouldn’t see them as buff, kinda naked dude. Also atheists might believe you
exist. The next generation needs to see that there is redemption for slip ups and what

truly extreme behaviors look like. If not MeToo could slip into perpetuating the problemike hyper-femininity and that is going to lead to either no hugs or 100% death by hugs.

Krish Mohan is a socially conscious, Indian standup comedian and writer who regularly tours the country. He performs at small theaters, bars, comedy clubs, colleges and DIY venues with his quirky attitude, charming personality, and intelligent humor. Krish captivates and engages audiences of all backgrounds, tackling hot button topics like race, religion, war, immigration, while adding an optimistic philosophical & sociological twist! Mohan has also been featured on NPR and performed at several Fringe Festivals (IndyFringe, Pittsburgh Fringe, Capital Fringe, Philly Fringe Arts), where he has been an audience favorite with his unique brand of comedy & social vigilantism. He has also opened for nationally touring headliners like Stewart Huff, Redacted Tonight’s Lee Camp and Hari Kondabolu. Krish is also the host of the weekly socio-political commentary web show, “Fork Full of Noodles” and the podcast “Taboo Table Talk

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